lomonaaeren

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Chapter Seventeen—With the Notts

“Come here, please, and let me look at you.”

Harry started and looked up. Helios had landed with him outside the house and brought Harry in through the wards carefully, telling him he could tour the grounds later. Harry had been perfectly in agreement with that. He was shaking with adrenaline and the idea of how near an escape he had had from Dumbledore at the end.

And he had thought that Helios and Theo lived alone except for maybe some house-elves, so being addressed like that was startling.

He winced when he saw a portrait of a beautiful woman staring at him from the wall of what looked like a huge entrance hall with a soaring ceiling. She made Harry aware of his sweat-soaked hair and the robes that hung raggedly around him.

“Um. Sorry, ma’am.”

The woman laughed a little and leaned forwards with her hands on the frame of the painting like someone peering through a window. “You have no need to apologize to me. My adopted son is welcome in our home however he comes to us.”

“You’re—Theo’s mum?”

The woman smiled and inclined her head a little. “Eloise Nott, at your service.”

Harry stared at her with his mouth a little open. She really was beautiful, for all that Harry was starting to think he didn’t find women that attractive. She had long, rippling dark hair that curled slightly at the ends, and her eyes were Theo’s, that shining stormcloud grey. Her smile was his, too.

“Er,” he said, when he had become aware of a choked cough from behind him. “Sorry to meet you looking like this.”

“Like this?”

Harry swept a hand down his robes.

“It doesn’t matter,” Eloise said softly, staring at him. She looked as if she were unwrapping a gift that had sat under a tree for a hundred Christmases. “It doesn’t matter at all, beloved son.”

Harry swallowed and turned away, because frankly he had no idea what to do with that. He latched on to Theo, who had come in behind him and was looking at him with an easier kind of expression. “Is there a place I can shower?” he asked helplessly. “And some place I can—put my things down?”

“Of course. You have a room here, Harry.”

“I do?”

*

Theo felt an ache under his breastbone as he watched Harry stare around the suite of rooms Father had set aside for him. It was the suite that would always have belonged to Theo’s chosen while he courted them, but Harry looked as if he didn’t think he deserved any of it.

“I’ve never had any place this—big,” Harry said, and trailed his hand over the desk of dark wood that stood near the bed. “Are yours this big?” He hadn’t glanced at Theo since they stepped through the door into the bedroom.

“Bigger,” Theo said. “But I assume you’ll be seeing them soon enough.”

Harry turned a brilliant red, which was at least different from the desperate pallor he’d had. He cleared his throat and shook his head a little. “I can’t just—accept all this, you know? Not without payment of some kind.”

“What payment do you think Father and I would accept, Harry?”

Harry sneaked a glance at him and then turned away again. “I could work on the wards for the house?”

“Of course Father hopes that you’ll take a look at them. But you aren’t paying for yourself that way.” Theo made his voice as gentle as he could, because Harry was looking increasingly distressed. “You’re enough payment in yourself, Harry. Forever and always.”

Harry stood there, his face going back to pale again, and looked like he was drowning. Theo decided he should step back, even though it wasn’t what he wanted to do. “You haven’t even eaten yet other than the few bites at breakfast, have you?”

“No,” Harry said in a quiet voice.

“Then I’ll get one of the elves to bring you something. You have the shower you were talking about.”

Harry just nodded, looking lost.

Theo stepped out of the bedroom and shut the door gently behind him, then summoned Rory, the oldest of the elves and the most diplomatic. He thought Harry would need the help in adjusting to his new surroundings.

He looks like no one ever told him that he was worth anything.

Well, no one at school ever did. And I have my suspicions about those Muggles.

Theo hoped Harry would talk about the Muggles, in time. But now was precisely the wrong time to press him. Theo would wait, because now they had months and years and spiraling decades ahead of them.

Theo shook himself out of his satisfied trance to give orders to Rory.

*

The sitting room could have swallowed Dudley’s bedroom back at Privet Drive.

The bedroom looked as if it had fallen out of some old Muggle film about rich people.

The bathroom was—

But at that point, Harry’s mind kind of shut down. He just stripped off his robes in a mindless whirl and walked into the shower. The water began pouring immediately, the way it did in the showers at Hogwarts, which Harry was glad of, because he was far too tired to work out what the hell he should have done if it hadn’t.

He braced his palms flat on the wall of the shower and leaned his forehead there, too. The tile was a soothing blue-grey color. It seemed to be the dominant color in his rooms.

His rooms.

Harry had been thinking, less than an hour ago, that he would probably be arrested for the murder of Snape and the Headmaster. Or his attack on them, anyway, since the Headmaster had been well enough to come after them at the Hogwarts gates. He had been thinking about how he would flee into exile, mad half-made plans of going to Gringotts and emptying out his vault dancing in his head.

He had heard about a prophecy an hour and a half ago. He had found out how much his ignorance had fucked up his life an hour and a half ago.

And now he was here.

Harry sank down to crouch on the shower floor. The water poured over him endlessly, and he knew it would for as long as he wanted to sit there, but he couldn’t stop shaking. He couldn’t stop the tears that were creeping down his face to mingle with the water.

How could—

He had this now. How had it happened?

What would happen if he changed his mind about being with Theo? How would he feel when it was all taken away?

Harry shuddered and curled in on himself. Then he reached down into his soul and pulled himself to his feet with the same effort of will that had let him survive six years in Slytherin with no one who liked him. He reached for the delicately-scented shampoo that sat on a shelf near the showerhead and began to steadily scrub his hair.

It wouldn’t matter. He wouldn’t let it matter. If he had to reject Theo, he would be able to use what the Notts had given him and he would still soar high. That was it. That was all.

*

Helios sat at the head of the dining room table, his cane propped near his chair. Normally he let it stand where he pleased, because he could Summon it easily enough with a flick of his wand, but at the moment, he thought Harry needed to see him weaker than he was.

The young man who came into their dining room with a half-bow of his head in Helios’s direction was as wild as a dragon. Theo didn’t seem to see it, from the dazzled smile he was giving Harry, but Helios had more skill at observing people. And more important, observing magically powerful people in distress, the way they had tended to be in Death Eater meetings and before the Wizengamot.

Harry sat down in the chair next to Theo. He was thin. He was silent. He watched the way that Theo and Helios put food on their plates, and Helios didn’t think it had anything to do with the fact that he had eaten a late lunch.

Starvation. Used as a punishment. That would explain some things.

Helios put aside the first five things he wanted to say. Harry served himself from the plate of delicate roast beef, taking two slices fewer than Helios would have liked, and ate in silence, head still bowed. Theo was staring at him with a steadily growing frown.

At least he knows something is wrong, although I doubt he knows what.

“Mr. Potter,” Helios said softly. He was incapable of calling someone Theo had chosen by last name in his head, but the boy would be comforted by a more formal address at the moment.

“Yes, sir?” Harry laid down his knife and fork the moment Helios addressed him.

“What subject do you think you need the most extensive tutoring in?”

Harry blinked, and some of the defensive coil to his shoulders fell away. He picked up his fork and knife after a long moment of unsubtle encouragement from Theo. “Would I be allowed to ask about tutors for subjects I wasn’t taking the NEWTS for?” he asked.

Helios bit back the temptation to reply with exasperation. That would only drive Harry further into his shell and make it harder to bring him out again. He nodded. “Of course.”

“Because Snape didn’t teach Potions well enough for me to really learn it, and he particularly hated me, but I’d still like to take the NEWT in Potions if I had the chance…”

Helios listened as Harry talked about NEWTS, with Theo adding his own ideas, and explained some of his thoughts about tutors and the schedule of studying that he would want the boys to follow. By the time that they were eating the meringue the house-elves had made, Harry was calmer and watching Helios less as if he would have to flip over the table and make an escape out the window.

“Do you want to talk about what happened to you in the Headmaster’s office?” Helios asked at last, because it would influence some of the decisions he made about tutors.

Harry tensed up at once, and his left hand twitched in a subtle gesture. Helios raised his own hands. “I am not asking you to blame you, Mr. Potter. I am asking because we need to make political decisions of some kind going forwards.”

Harry swallowed and then nodded, although he still gave the doorway he’d entered through a longing look.

“They summoned me because they wanted to scold me, basically,” Harry said, and his mouth twisted. “Well, the Headmaster summoned me, but Snape was there, too. Dumbledore said there was a prophecy about me and the Dark Lord. That I’m the only one who can defeat him or some nonsense like that. That I have to kill him, or he’s going to kill me.” Harry took a deep breath, while Helios sat there and felt as though someone had reached into his chest to jangle his viscera. “And Dumbledore acted like he was disappointed in me for not knowing more about magic, not being in Gryffindor, not having Muggleborn friends, everything else. My magic lashed out. I didn’t mean to hurt them, but I did.”

“The Headmaster seemed well enough when he tried to intercept you at the gates.”

“Thank you for stopping him.” Harry’s eyes were shadowed. “I think I burned him. I don’t know how badly. But Snape looked dead.” He swallowed the last of his butterbeer, the only drink he’d asked for. Helios had not thought it wise to serve him wine. “On the other hand, if the Headmaster survived, maybe he did, too.”

Helios nodded. “Would you mind if I looked at your memory of the moment? I might be able to tell you more conclusively if he did.”

“Legilimency?”

“Yes.”

“How much would it hurt?”

Helios tamped down his own instinctive reaction to that statement, and reminded himself that Severus Snape was a Legilimens and might have inflicted his own pain on Harry’s mind in the past. “Not at all. But you would know that I was in your mind, and that makes some people uncomfortable.”

Harry considered the matter for long enough that Helios expected a negative answer, but in the end, he nodded and stood. Helios didn’t tell him that it wasn’t necessary, and he could have read Harry’s mind from his seat. Let the dragon have some control.

Harry looked into Helios’s eyes. Helios reached out, twitching his wand a little and whispering, “Legilimens,” even though he was a skilled enough practitioner that casting the spell each time was no longer necessary.

He slipped into noise and chaos, but it wasn’t any trouble to find the specific memory he was looking for. It hovered under the surface of Harry’s mind still, and blazed with such anger and fear and pain that Helios doubted he could have seen anything else right now. He touched it.

He was whirled away. He watched and listened in growing disbelief, wondering how in the world Snape and Dumbledore could have handled this so badly. They might not have any fondness for Harry, but cornering him, acting as though everything that had happened to him was his own fault, and dumping the prophecy on him was so ill-advised that…

Helios stepped back a bit in the memory and looked at the hatred on Snape’s face. Yes, perhaps a normally subtle and clever man might have made extraordinarily stupid decisions while feeling that.

But there was no excuse for Dumbledore. Helios wished only that the potion he had unleashed on Dumbledore at Hogwarts’s gates had succeeded in doing more than inflicting minor damage the phoenix was able to heal.

When he parted from the memory at last, Harry blinked and shook his head. “Feels weird,” he murmured, keeping his eyes on Helios.

Helios just nodded. “Thank you for allowing me to view it.”

“Do you think Snape lived?”

“I am not sure, but I think he might.”

Harry looked so relieved that Helios reevaluated him a bit. A dragon still concerned with who he killed might be less volatile than Helios had assumed. Or perhaps Harry had simply worried about the difference between facing punishment for injuring someone and facing a murder charge.

“We will add Occlumency studies to your tutoring,” Helios said, and leaned back a little in his chair as Harry nodded eagerly. “Potions, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Ancient Runes, Astronomy, Herbology, Charms, Transfiguration, Arithmancy…what am I forgetting, Theo?”

“History of Magic.”

Helios grimaced. “That is ill-taught enough that it may take extra tutoring.”

“I don’t mind,” Harry said quickly. “But I’m not taking all those classes, sir. I dropped Astronomy after the OWL.”

“That does not mean that you cannot take the NEWT in it, as long as you are properly prepared.”

Harry blinked and looked as though he were swimming in a new ocean in his mind. Helios hid his satisfaction and settled back in his seat. He thought he knew how to handle this dragon now.

Gently. Carefully. With respect and transparency, so that Harry would not feel the need to lash out or leave them behind.

Given what Theo had described of Harry’s wandless magic and wards, Helios was not sure how much of the house would be left standing should Harry feel the need to lash out. On the other hand, having someone who would freely give his allegiance and power to help the Nott family if treated kindly?

We will be a force to be reckoned with, once again.

*

“Are you all right?”

Harry turned around in the doorway of his suite, smiling at Theo. Theo felt his heart thump with satisfaction. Harry had looked awful earlier, as if fault lines were running through his soul. Now he looked more like the wizard who had got them away from Tom Riddle and Voldemort.

“Yes, I am.” Harry sighed a little. “It was an—overwhelming day.”

Theo nodded. “I promise that anything you need from us, you’ll get, Harry.”

“Because I’m your—chosen.”

Theo inclined his head, refusing to feel embarrassed. It might not have been the term that he would have used, but it was true. “Do you not want to be?”

Harry was silent enough that Theo clenched his fists. Had something broken between them and he hadn’t realized it? Or did Harry not feel the need to depend on Theo now that he had Theo’s father involved?

“I do want to be,” Harry said softly at last. “I just wonder what will happen if this—breaks apart.”

“I can’t imagine it doing so.”

Harry’s smile was quick and quick to fade. “I know, Theo, but we’re only teenagers yet. Even if we’re adults. I never anticipated lashing out at Dumbledore and Snape or leaving Hogwarts the way I did, either. How can you promise that this will last?”

“I can promise this,” Theo said, and took a step closer while Harry watched him pensively. “I will always be your friend, even if for some reason we’re not lovers. And I’ll always help you and advocate for my father to help you, Harry. I think you’re brilliant and powerful and deserve a much better future than you were going to have. And I still remember the way you woke me up and made me see what kind of person I’d become without even intending to. I pay my debts.”

Harry’s shoulders settled, which Theo was glad to see. He had wondered if he should have sounded more friendly and Gryffindor-like, but there was a reason that Harry had been Sorted into Slytherin, after all.

“I trust that you will, Theo.”

Theo eased a little closer. “Can I kiss you now?”

“You sound like you’ve been waiting all month for it.” There was muffled laughter in Harry’s voice now, brightness around his eyes.

“I have.”

Harry’s eyes widened, and then he leaned in and began the kiss. Theo shuddered and lifted his hands to settle them on Harry’s shoulders. Harry held onto his arms and kissed him like he meant it, and Theo’s world tumbled around him.

Harry pulled back sooner than Theo would have liked, but the blush on his cheeks said that it wouldn’t be wise to push him. “I liked that,” he whispers.

Theo knew he would embarrass himself if he tried to talk. He squeezed Harry’s hand once and drifted down the corridor to his own rooms, where he collapsed on his bed and replayed the kiss again and again in his head.

And if he had to use his own hand to take a little of the edge off…

It didn’t matter. He could wait for Harry, and the anticipation cutting him like a blade now would be all the sweeter for the delay.

*

Harry closed the door behind him and stood there, staring at the wall.

He didn’t understand how the day had started like that and ended like this.

He also didn’t know for sure if he trusted Theo’s easy assurances, if they would manage to last or if any parting between them would be as simple and straightforward as Theo seemed to think. Harry had to shake his head as he thought about all the possible ways their paths could split and he could be left on his own again.

Then Harry took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders.

He would grow stronger. He would take the tutoring and the study time and pass all the NEWTS he could and gain favors from Helios. He would take what he could from the Notts, and he thought he could gain a lot.

And if he wasn’t certain that his path would lie with Theo’s forever…

At least he would enjoy that while he could, too.