![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Thank you again for all the reviews! Here’s to getting back on schedule.
Chapter Twenty-Three—Maturity
“Is this consistent with what you know of Bellatrix’s fear spells, Severus?”
Severus forced himself to ignore the fact that it was Dumbledore asking the question, and to pay strict attention to the white face and twisting hands of Seamus Finnigan. The boy had sat in the middle of his hospital bed since Severus arrived, refusing to look up. Now and then his fingers trembled; now and then his mouth opened in a soundless moan.
“Consistent with what I know of fear spells in general,” Severus said at last, when he thought he had studied all of Finnigan’s separate symptoms—and, more to the point, made Dumbledore wait long enough. “With Bellatrix’s specifically? I could not say. The Dark Lord took some care to keep his followers’ capabilities concealed from his other followers.”
Dumbledore sighed. “I feared you would say that.” He walked slowly forwards and sat down next to the bed that contained the Gryffindor boy, looking at him with a tenderness that made Severus have to look away. He showed no such tenderness when Harry was the victim of the boy’s crimes.
But then, I think he is baffled by strength, by people who do not need his help to recover every step of the way. Finnigan is helpless, and so the better charity case.
Severus folded his hands together inside his sleeves, so that the Headmaster should not see that his knuckles were white with rage.
“Well,” said Dumbledore at last, looking up and straight into Severus’s eyes, “I would like to give him the chance to return to Gryffindor Tower. He may recuperate better in more familiar surroundings—”
“No,” Severus said flatly.
Dumbledore blinked as though he had never heard the negative before. “No?”
“No.” From the corner of his eye, Severus could see Madam Pomfrey, who was measuring out healing potions into the tiny vials usually considered safe doses, roll her eyes at their childishness. He did not care. If someone was not Harry or Draco, he had discovered in the past few months, he had very little cause to care for their opinion. “I will not have him go free and perhaps harm Harry again. He will be healed of the fear spell before he goes near Gryffindor Tower.”
“It is a long and painful process,” said Dumbledore. “And if you do not know much about Bellatrix’s fear spells specifically—”
“It requires a potion that I have on hand,” Severus went on, “a good deal of magical strength—which I have—and the presence of one he was commanded to hurt or betray. Harry will want to be here.”
“When he has so much to endure already,” Dumbledore said, opening his eyes very wide, “you would ask him to endure this?”
Severus gave him a look of scorn, silently reminding Dumbledore that Harry would have had to endure much less if not for the Headmaster’s abdication of responsibility. And still Dumbledore could not face the black crow of his judgment, because he turned away. Severus concealed a smile and said, “It is not primarily for Finnigan that I demand it. It is for the cause of sparing Harry pain in the future. I will not let him lie awake wondering whether this is the night that his roommate attacks him again. If you send Finnigan back unhealed, then you must get used to Harry’s being removed from Gryffindor Tower to the dungeons.”
Very slowly, Dumbledore’s head bent, as though someone were pushing down on his neck from behind. “As you will, Severus,” he whispered. “But it will be hard on Mr. Finnigan’s mind and morale as well as Harry’s.”
Severus raised an eyebrow. “You presume much, if you think the Finnigan boy an object of compassion for me.”
*
Harry tried not to squirm as he stood at Snape’s side and watched Seamus in the bed, staring straight ahead of him with his hands constantly twisting in his lap. He looked awful. His face was white like parchment, and his eyes were as blank as though he hadn’t slept in weeks. Harry remembered what that felt like.
Snape was already holding up a glass vial filled with bright red potion. Harry shuddered. It smelled like blood as well as looked like it, and he braced himself to watch as Snape tipped the vial down Seamus’s throat. Seamus let him. He’d basically been letting anyone do anything they wanted with him since he came to the hospital wing.
Draco squeezed his hand. Harry looked at him sideways and received Draco’s sharp, tender smile. It calmed Harry down and made him think entirely inappropriate things both at the same time, so that in the end he had to turn away and study Seamus again.
Seamus had swallowed the last of the potion, and for a few moments he sat there, still staring straight ahead. There were red drops on his lips. It made him look like a vampire. Harry shuddered again, and then told himself he’d faced a lot worse things, like Voldemort, and feeling nervous around Seamus was silly.
And then Seamus leaped off the bed, screaming, and rushed at him with his hands out, ready to strangle him.
Harry reacted instinctively, shoving Draco behind him and drawing his wand. The Shield Charm he cast repelled Seamus with a thud, and Seamus reeled around for a minute, eyes unfocused, before he came in again. Meanwhile, Snape had snarled something that didn’t sound like Latin, and a transparent coil wrapped about Seamus’s ankles, forming in moments into a crystalline chain.
Seamus crashed to the ground. Harry stared at him, panting.
Draco shoved him in the back. “You’re hurting my arm,” he grumbled into Harry’s ear.
“Oh, sorry,” Harry said numbly, and let go. He hadn’t even realized his fingers were digging into Draco’s arm near the shoulder. He stared at Seamus and then looked up at Snape, who’d taken several steps forwards. “Was that supposed to happen, after the potion?” he asked.
“It was not,” said Snape, and gave him a dark look that it took Harry a minute to understand. Snape thought he should have known that because he thought Harry should trust Snape never to endanger him. Harry lifted his chin and scowled back, and Snape grunted under his breath and turned away. “But when the fear spell has been particularly strong and lasted a particularly long time, it may. And from what the fool has said, I suspect that Bellatrix has been influencing him through his dreams—another rare but not unknown complicating factor.”
Harry winced. “I had nightmares, too,” he muttered, when Draco stepped around him and stared disbelievingly into his face. “I know what it’s like.”
“You had those nightmares because Voldemort possessed you, and anyway, you still didn’t charge your roommates and try to curse them.” Draco looped an arm around Harry’s shoulders and squeezed tight.
“But I know what bad dreams are like,” said Harry, a bit annoyed that they were so intent on stopping him sympathizing with Seamus. He craned his neck so that he could watch Snape crouching over his former friend. Snape’s chanting was low and steady, and his wand traced red crosses and lavender circles in the air in front of him. “I can feel sorry for him if I want.”
“He’s not worth it,” Draco said flatly.
“Yes, he is.” Harry scowled at Draco this time. He knew Draco was in love with him and wanted to protect him, but that didn’t mean he could control Harry’s emotions.
“Why don’t you spend your time caring about people who actually matter?” Draco asked, with a hint of a whine in his voice. “Me, for example.”
“But I do care about you,” Harry said, keeping his voice low, because Snape’s chanting was growing louder and Harry didn’t think he would like to be interrupted. “Of course I do.” He reached up and touched Draco’s cheek, staring into his eyes in puzzlement. “Why would it make you think I don’t just because I’m worried about Seamus? I said I know what it’s like to have bad dreams. That’s all. With you—Draco, with you I know what it’s like to compete at Quidditch, and battle Dementors, and practice Occlumency and, um, and kiss.” He knew his face was bright red, but he couldn’t help it; it was going to be bright red when he talked about kissing for a while. “We share so much more.”
Draco let his shoulders slump, suddenly, as if he were letting some weight fall off them, and nodded. Then he moved closer to Harry and turned his head so that his cheek rested against Harry’s cheek. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I just really don’t think he deserves it.”
“I know.” Harry touched Draco’s hair and made a mental promise not to show sympathy for Seamus too openly in the future, if this was going to be Draco’s reaction—or at least not to do it around him. He thought Draco’s comfort was more important than speaking a few kind words about the boy who had burned his things.
Snape’s voice came to him then, speaking sternly. “Mister Finnigan, what do you remember?”
Harry looked over Draco’s shoulder. Seamus had a hand against his forehead and was blinking so fast that he looked like he was trying not to go blind. Then he said, “I—I think I remember attacking Harry. And I remember being so afraid of what would happen if I didn’t. Like someone was choking me. Like someone was going to burn all my skin off if I didn’t. And whenever I went to sleep, it got worse. I think.” He shook his head a little. “It’s confusing.”
“Do you feel any impulse to attack Mister Potter now?” Harry wondered if he was the only one who noticed Snape’s hand tightening on his wand as he asked the question.
“No, of course not!” Seamus leaped to his feet, eyes wide, and turned around until he saw Harry. “Harry, mate,” he said, with his voice full of the sadness Harry had wanted to hear four years ago, “can you forgive me?”
“Of course!” Harry stepped forwards and clasped Seamus’s hand, ignoring Draco’s scowl and the cautious way Snape’s eyes narrowed. Seamus didn’t have a wand, and Snape had investigated his magical capabilities and decided that he couldn’t use wandless magic. He’d been in the hospital wing long enough for them to discover any magical weapon or poison smeared on his hands. So there was nothing to worry about. “You’ve been frightened for a long time. It’s hard to keep from doing stupid things when you’re frightened.”
Seamus beamed at him and shook his hand one more time before letting it go. “Can I go back to Gryffindor Tower now?” he asked, turning to Professor Snape. A moment later, he looked away as if he thought that he’d be better off asking the question of the wall. Harry hid a chuckle. There were times he’d felt like that himself when confronting Snape.
“The Headmaster will want to see you first,” Snape said stiffly. “After all, you did attack a fellow student in the school.”
Seamus sighed. “I know.” And then he turned around and trotted out of the hospital wing towards the Headmaster’s office.
Harry blinked and let out a cautious little breath. “That’s it?” he asked. “I hope that’s it.”
“I will be keeping a close eye on the boy,” Snape said, his eyes as cold and hard as Aunt Petunia’s eyes used to be when Harry asked for food.
“Someone should,” Draco said, and folded his arms. “Since Dumbledore will probably just pat him on the head and give him a sweet.”
Harry sighed, but didn’t try to argue. He reckoned he would feel the same way if Seamus had attacked Draco.
*
“Nothing.”
Draco watched in concern as Harry shoved yet another book away from him across the table and then put a hand over his forehead, rubbing it. They’d been in the library for several hours trying to research guardian spirits, basilisk venom, and the other things that Draco’s book insisted had a tenuous connection to Horcruxes, so it was possible Harry might have a headache. But Draco didn’t like the spot his hand was rubbing, right over his scar.
“Harry? Is your scar burning again?”
Harry shook his head, his eyes fixed broodingly on the table. “I just wish we’d found something,” he said, and exhaled hard. “How am I supposed to stop being a Horcrux if we don’t know how to destroy Horcruxes?”
“Keep your voice down,” Draco said instinctively, even though Madam Pince was at the front of the library and all the students near them had gone to bed some time ago. “We don’t want anyone to hear—”
“I know, I know.” Harry jumped to his feet and practically ran around the table, prying impatiently at Draco’s shoulder. “But I’m tired of being careful and judging everything I say. I want to do something else. Come with me?” He tilted his head and stared at Draco as if he thought it would take a lot of begging and pleading. Draco, of course, was ready to come with him the minute he saw that look.
“All right,” he said, and began to put books away. Harry sighed, drew his wand, and spelled all the books roughly onto the shelves. Draco rolled his eyes as he heard their spines creaking and watched at least a few pages get bent. “It’ll be your fault if the books are too tattered to find what we need in them tomorrow,” he complained in a whisper.
“I don’t bloody care right at the moment,” Harry snapped, jigging around the room the way Pansy had when she’d been hit with a Bladder-Shrinking Curse. “Come on, Draco.” And he whirled and ran out of the library.
Draco ran after him, concerned. In a mood like this, he wouldn’t put it past Harry to go dashing into the Forbidden Forest or something equally stupid.
Instead, though, Harry led Draco at a punishing pace up two flights of stairs and then into a dark corridor with heavy alcoves in the walls—used for Potions storage a long time ago, Draco thought, when they didn’t teach it in the dungeons. And then he whirled around again and pushed Draco into one of the alcoves. Draco grunted as his head hit the wall, hard.
“Harry, wh—”
He didn’t get further than that because Harry was kissing him, insistently enough that he almost choked. Draco gasped and wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck, guiding him as well as possible. Harry growled as if he hated Draco’s trying to control him in any way and kissed harder.
Draco leaned back, arranged himself in a slightly steadier position between Harry’s body and the wall so he wouldn’t fall over, and gave in. He and Harry had exchanged some kisses in the last few weeks, as they tried to figure out how to locate and destroy Horcruxes, but they’d still sneaked off on their own to wank. This time, Draco thought, as Harry plunged his hand impatiently into Draco’s trousers, that wasn’t going to happen.
Harry didn’t really know what he was doing; that was obvious from the way he fumbled around, nails scraping at Draco’s erection in a way that made Draco shove his hips forwards helplessly. But he was determined to learn, and a moment later Draco was gasping and clinging to Harry as if he wanted to break his back. Pleasure welled through him in long separate rushes like the trails of fireworks, and his eyes were closed hard enough that he could see sparks of purple and green crossing in front of him.
And then he came, with a squeak and a moan, for the first time in front of someone else.
Harry sounded smug when he said, “Well, that was simple.” Then he tugged at Draco’s hair; Draco had half-fallen so that his head was resting on Harry’s shoulder. “Come on, you great git, no going to sleep without returning the favor.”
Draco blinked, licked his lips, stood up, and gently cupped the front of Harry’s robes in response. Harry blinked back and gasped, his mouth dropping open as if he thought that Draco’s touch should feel different.
Partially in revenge for Harry’s smugness, Draco kept his touches light and teasing for five minutes, until Harry was saying his name over and over again under his breath like the sound of a hammer pounding. He hoped Harry wouldn’t notice how much his hand was shaking, or realize that Draco needed to go slowly for his own sake. Finally touching Harry’s flesh made Draco shudder and thrust one thigh between Harry’s.
He’d been missing this, needing it, for years, he thought, as he sucked on Harry’s neck and ground against him and stroked him, all at the same time. Or maybe it was just the natural end of all the feelings he’d had for Harry from the first time they really became friends—
Harry sounded like a strangled cat when he came. Draco would have laughed, except that the warmth and wetness on his hand made his mouth feel thick with saliva. He swallowed, listened to Harry’s panting for a moment, and then said, “Be careful, or Mrs. Norris is going to mistake that as a mating call.”
Harry shoved him at that, hard, but Draco thought it was worth it. Especially because his hand shot sideways and smeared Harry’s robes with a white stain, and because a moment later Harry was kissing him again.
*
“What is she doing here?”
Harry turned his head at Ron’s startled exclamation, and then shot to his feet. He’d never seen the woman striding through the doors of the Great Hall, but he knew who she was as instantly as Ron did. There was only one person she could be, when she looked so much like Draco.
And, for some reason, Narcissa Malfoy was looking at and walking towards him instead of her son.
Harry lifted his head high, swallowed, and stepped out from behind the Gryffindor table. He didn’t know exactly what was about to happen next, but he knew it must be important, or she wouldn’t be here.
Narcissa came to a stop in front of him and stood staring at him for a moment. Harry looked back and tried to appear cool and collected and calm, when he knew he was none of those things. Narcissa wore a set of white robes that rustled and swished around her like the sound of falling snow, and looked as if they were made of silk. A single blue gem shone at her throat, hanging off a silver necklace that Aunt Petunia would have killed someone to own. Harry had not the slightest idea what she wanted, and so not the slightest idea what he should do next.
He could see Snape starting to his feet, and Dumbledore standing, and Draco walking quickly around the Slytherin table. But none of them got there before Narcissa abruptly knelt at his feet. Harry was glad he had the Gryffindor table behind him, so he wouldn’t fall down in shock.
“Mr. Potter,” Narcissa said, her voice calm and clear and as cool as Harry wanted to be, “I have given up my allegiance to my husband, and any allegiance that I might once have had to the Dark Lord. In token of this, I bring you something which you need, and which my husband would be very much alarmed if he knew you had.” And she drew something gold and glittering out of an inner robe pocket—Harry was glad she took it from that and not her breasts—and held it out to him.
Harry winced and tried to back away. It was just a golden locket on a chain, but he could feel heat beating out from it, and there was a dark shimmer of power around it that reminded him instantly of the diary. A moment later, his scar started burning. He licked his lips, the taste of oil and blood in his mouth.
“In return,” Narcissa said, gazing serenely into his eyes as if she did this every day of the month, “I request your personal protection, and your promise that I will come to no harm under that protection, either from my ‘kind’ or yours.” Her lips moved in a small smile. Harry had no idea what she found funny about the situation. Probably the expression on his face. He knew his jaw had dropped open.
“I—all right, yes,” Harry said, because he knew the locket was a Horcrux, and because he would never refuse Draco’s mother, of all people, his protection. Narcissa’s smile deepened.
“Harry!”
Harry turned around, startled. Dumbledore had said his name from right beside him, and Harry hadn’t known he could get to the front of the Hall from the head table that quickly. Not quickly enough to prevent Harry from giving his protection to Narcissa, of course. Harry straightened his spine defiantly. If it was something Dumbledore didn’t want him to do, that almost obliged him to do it, didn’t it?
“You have no idea what is involved in the issue of personal protection,” Dumbledore said tightly, looking at Narcissa, who had stood up and was dangling the locket from her fingers, “or what ritual she has invoked.”
“Invoked? It would take more than words to invoke the ritual you are thinking of, Headmaster.” Narcissa brushed slowly at her robes with one hand, as if she were removing dust—Harry was sure it was entirely imaginary dust, with the way she looked—and raised an eyebrow at Dumbledore. “I have only asked Mr. Potter for a promise, a promise he has given me. And why should I not appeal to him? He is the real leader of the war.”
And she did it in public, too, Harry thought, glancing around the Great Hall. It was the middle of dinner, and every single student in the school was staring in fascination. She wanted to make sure no one could lie about it or deny it later, I’ll bet. Which Dumbledore might do.
It felt—strange—having that kind of insight. Harry knew he wouldn’t even have thought about Narcissa’s motives for doing this in public a year ago, or he would have thought she was trying to embarrass him. He smiled a little. Snape and Draco are rubbing off on me.
“Mother, are you all right?”
Draco was beside them now, and his hands were twitching at his sides, as if he wanted to hug his mother but didn’t quite dare. Harry put a hand on his shoulder, and Draco relaxed with a slight sigh. Narcissa’s hand landed on Draco’s other shoulder. Then she looked into his eyes for a long moment before she spoke, as if that answer depended on him.
Or as if she’s deciding what he wants to hear, Harry thought, and frowned a little. He didn’t even know if his perceptions were right yet, and he almost wished he could stop having them until he knew.
“I am well,” Narcissa said lowly. “Something happened that I must tell you about in more detail when we are alone.” She glanced sideways at Dumbledore. “And after the Headmaster has accepted my plea for sanctuary. I have appealed to Mr. Potter, but the school is still his.”
Dumbledore clamped his lips together, his nostrils flaring. “I could make you leave,” he said, his voice as soft as Narcissa’s had been. “No one, knowing who your husband is and what he has done, would blame me.”
“You’d make her leave?” Harry asked, outraged, and stepped around Draco so he could confront Dumbledore. “With the Dark Lord and Lucius hunting her? If you make her leave, I’ll leave too.”
There was a slight choking noise from behind him, but Harry couldn’t tell who had made it. Maybe Snape, who was hovering there too, now. He didn’t care, though. He also didn’t care about the efforts he’d been making to get along with Dumbledore and the few cautious talks they’d had about Horcruxes. This was more important, and not something Harry could be calm about. He glared at the Headmaster as hard as he could and finally saw him turn away.
“If you want it to happen, Harry, of course it must,” Dumbledore said in a defeated voice.
Harry clenched his hands behind his back. Dumbledore was just trying to make him feel guilty, and this time, it wouldn’t work. He turned away and smiled at Narcissa. “I think you and Draco should go and talk privately in his rooms,” he said. “Professor Snape’s rooms, I mean.” Dumbledore made a tsking sound, but Harry didn’t know why. If the Slytherins didn’t know Draco was staying in Snape’s rooms by now, they were blind. “You probably have a lot to say to him.”
Narcissa extended the locket again. “Don’t you want to take this, Mr. Potter?”
Harry flinched, but forced himself to accept the locket. He knew that Dumbledore was going to drag him to his office to yell at him, and he might as well take the Horcrux with him so that Dumbledore could secure it with the ring, or rather the stone on the ring. “Thank you, Mrs. Malfoy,” he said, and faced Dumbledore. Draco was lingering, but Harry gave him a tiny shove in the direction of his mother, and he went. “All right,” he said to Dumbledore, “I’m ready.”
The Headmaster nodded and started out of the room, but paused when he noticed Snape walking along with them. “I thought you might wish to superintend Mrs. Malfoy’s arrival in your rooms, my dear boy,” he said, with a scraping undertone of irritation that made Harry hide a laugh in his sleeve.
“Draco knows best what his mother will require,” Snape said calmly. “I intend to supervise Mr. Potter, instead.”
Dumbledore looked for a moment as if he were going to snap and forbid Snape to come, but Snape stared at him with an arrogant smile curving the corner of his lips, and Harry knew Dumbledore was deciding he would probably fail if he tried to say that. So he turned away with an injured air and said, “Very well, Severus. As you will.”
Snape was no more affected by the attempt to guilt him than Harry had been, and kept on walking. Harry couldn’t help smiling a little at him, despite the fact that he still didn’t really trust him, and Snape nodded back.
*
“There is no easy way to say this, Draco.”
“It wasn’t easy to watch you walk into the Great Hall and wonder why you’d come here, either.” Draco would ordinarily have tried to be a bit more subtle with his mother, but he was badly shaken. He recognized the white robes as the most expensive she owned, and when he got close enough, he’d been able to see the priceless sapphire that she never wore except on the most fashionable occasions. He knew something was badly wrong, but not what, yet, and he wished his mother would stop putting off telling him.
Narcissa gave him a faint smile and sat up straight. Until that moment, she’d huddled on the couch in Draco’s main room, sipping at a bit of wine Draco had got her—Draco and Professor Snape understood each other well—and staring into the glass. Draco approved. She should look tall and proud, not crushed, no matter what happened to her.
“Lucius tried to kill me,” Narcissa said, her voice sharp and gentle at the same time, the way Draco sometimes spoke to Harry. “It is Halloween tonight, and that is a guarantee of certain kinds of power. He would have used me as a blood and sexual sacrifice in order to restore himself to the favor of the Dark Lord.”
Draco swallowed. He wanted to say several things, but all of them would have sounded stupid. He looked once more at the sapphire at his mother’s throat, and then down at her fingers. Rings shone there that he hadn’t seen more than once or twice, on a few precious occasions when his mother showed him the jewels that would become his inheritance. “You brought enough to be comfortable?” he asked, because he could say it in an even tone.
“More than comfortable.” Narcissa’s smile widened. “And since I will be staying in Hogwarts for the time being, under Mr. Potter’s personal protection, I need not even pay for my maintenance.” She sounded cheerful about it.
Draco swallowed again, and then said, “I didn’t know Father had lost the Dark Lord’s favor.”
“It is not easy to hold onto such a thing,” Narcissa said idly, “any more than it is to cling to a sharp knife which cuts one’s fingers and renders one’s grip slippery with blood. The Dark Lord has been displeased since Lucius lost you to Potter. And then Lucius failed a mission.”
Draco felt a momentary tightness in his throat. He had been the cause of his mother almost being murdered…
But no. That was the way Harry would think. Draco himself was not at home to any unnecessary guilt. This was Lucius’s fault from beginning to end. He drew himself up and said, “Was he going to make you into a slave to the Dark Lord? What was the sacrifice for?”
“It had something to do with the locket that the Dark Lord had entrusted to Lucius,” said Narcissa. “A shadow would sometimes appear above the locket, a spirit or a ghost. I saw Lucius talking to it on occasion. Apparently the sacrifice was needed to allow the spirit to become stronger.”
Draco shuddered. The thought of his mother dying to power a Horcrux was…not pleasant.
“Will Father find out you’ve taken the locket?” he asked sharply.
Narcissa flicked her fingers. “Eventually. But the idea of the sacrifice was his own, and I doubt he will wish to reveal to his Lord that his wife escaped it. I have left a copy of the locket in the original’s place. That will enable Lucius to avoid detection for a time—assuming the Dark Lord does not ask him for the locket tomorrow.” She took in enough air to release her breath in a heavy sigh. “Discovering that one’s husband wishes to kill one is…disconcerting,” she murmured.
Draco stood up, walked over to her, and put his arms around her shoulders at last. “I’m sorry,” he whispered into her ear. “I’m sorry you lost him.”
“Lucius condemned himself.”
His mother’s voice was light and dry, but Draco saw the way her hand pinched her wineglass. He turned his head, kissing her lightly behind the ear.
*
Harry, Severus saw, was readier for his confrontation with the Headmaster than Severus could have dreamed.
The moment they came into the office, Harry stepped up to Dumbledore’s desk. He took his place halfway between the chairs in front of it, as if showing that he wouldn’t sit in either one of them. Then he folded his arms, leaned one elbow on the nearest chair arm, and smiled at Dumbledore without any humor. His body was angled, Severus realized after a moment’s intense study, between Severus himself and the desk, as if he would use it to block any flying curses Dumbledore took a fancy to unleash.
Still an idiot, trying to defend himself and others that way, Severus thought in irritation, and had to ignore how his chest warmed at the thought of the boy considering him worthy to defend. He should use curses. What else have I been teaching him for?
“You must understand, Harry,” Dumbledore said, his voice low and stern, “what it means that you have offered Mrs. Malfoy your protection.”
“I understand what it means,” Harry said. “That I won’t let her be hurt, or killed, or bothered by anyone in the Order of the Phoenix or any of the Death Eaters.” He paused for a moment, as though he thought he might have forgotten something, and then added, “And to make sure that happens, I have to remain in the same place as she is. So you can forget about driving her out or ‘encouraging’ her to leave or creating some distraction that would make her feel she had to go after it. I’ll just leave in search of her, and then I’ll probably get killed, and I don’t think you want that. Unless you think I have to die anyway to get rid of the Horcrux in me.”
Dumbledore caught a harsh breath. Severus stepped up quickly, so that he could see the full expression on Harry’s face. He wasn’t surprised to see that Harry was grinding his teeth, or that his eyes glittered with a sharp expression far too close to hatred. Severus put a hand on Harry’s shoulder, much as Narcissa had put one on Draco’s. Harry made an abrupt little movement, as if he intended to throw off the touch, then relaxed with a tiny tetchy twitch of his head and let it remain.
“I—have considered that course of action sometimes necessary, dear boy,” Dumbledore whispered at last. “No one hopes more sincerely than I that it need not come to pass.”
Harry snorted. “I think Draco hopes more sincerely than you. Since you’re still willing to sacrifice me if you have to, and him not at all.”
Severus squeezed down, both to remind Harry that there was someone else in the room who would not like to see him die merely to remove the Horcrux, and because there was an underlying wild despair in Harry’s voice. He suggested a thought not new to him. Let him brood on the subject long enough, and he may convince himself he needs to die for the greater good.
“You need to understand something, Headmaster,” Harry went on forcefully. “I’ll do whatever it takes to get rid of Voldemort. But you need to stop spinning around me and trying to manipulate me so I’ll do it your way. I think you care more about making me do it like that than you care about Voldemort dying.” Severus jerked a little himself at that statement; he had not thought it possible, but perhaps it was, considering the way Dumbledore’s face paled at the accusation. “So stop opposing me on minor things, like having Mrs. Malfoy stay here. I’ll work better on the Horcruxes if she’s safe, because that way Draco won’t worry about her and I won’t be worrying about Draco. Just stop thinking that because you distrust her means I have to. All right?”
Dumbledore lowered his eyes and waited long moments before he nodded. Severus watched him sardonically. He doubted the Headmaster was really convinced; even now he was perhaps trying to think of new arguments to persuade Harry. But he was also fair-minded enough, when he allowed himself to be, to entertain such words, and so the chance that he might convince himself against his will was greater.
“All right.” Harry relaxed suddenly and dropped the locket he held on the Headmaster’s desk. “Put that with the stone on the ring; it’s another of them.”
Dumbledore made a small exclamation and picked up the golden thing, holding it in front of his eyes. “I see,” he murmured, after some moments’ detailed examination of it. “Yes, I see. I believe that I might know how to destroy this one.”
Harry’s eyes narrowed in what looked like confusion, but he turned around and left the office with a sharp snap of his robes. Severus trailed behind him in silent amusement. Harry had almost certainly picked up that gesture from him, whether he wished it to happen or not.
“Sir? What are you still doing here?”
Severus blinked for a moment, then smirked. Harry sounded puzzled. Severus would enjoy the opportunity to turn his puzzlement back on him. “I believe there is only one way down from the Headmaster’s office, and so I am obliged to take the same moving staircase as you,” he said. He was on the step above the boy, being rotated down in the same ridiculous manner that Albus had always used to send visitors away.
“I know that,” Harry snapped, though from the way he blushed, Severus didn’t think he had until he was reminded. “I mean, why are you still with me? You didn’t have to come, you know, and you didn’t have to stay as silent as you did.” He leaned one shoulder on the wall of the staircase, letting it scrape along, and surveyed Severus skeptically.
“I support you,” Severus said softly. “Including in your dealings with Dumbledore. I thought the Headmaster might not know that, and I determined to let him remain in ignorance no longer.”
Harry made a faint exasperated noise. “But you didn’t have to,” he said. “It’s a lot to do for someone who doesn’t even trust you.”
“I know that,” said Severus, as they reached the bottom of the staircase and ceased their movement. “But I chose to.”
Harry stared at him in silence, eyes as large as Lily’s had once looked over the one Charms exam she had ever failed. Severus swallowed painfully, but resisted the temptation to say something. Lily was dead, and the eyes he looked at belonged to her son. He would not allow himself the luxury of forgetting that, though he sometimes thought Harry would like him to.
Then Harry turned and left him without a word. Severus offered a small, ironic bow in the direction of his back and retired to his private rooms, there to make provisions for the arrival of Narcissa Malfoy.
He was not surprised she had come to them, though he did not yet know the story of her parting from Lucius. Narcissa might love her son, she might love her husband, but those affections shone strong and clear next to her love for the winning side.
*
Things, Harry thought, are going really well.
And they were, despite the fact that he had holes in his memory still and his dueling lessons with Snape were still tense and his heart ached whenever Sirius came for a visit and Harry had to look at the wounds he had caused. There were so many other things that were going well that Harry could sometimes forget about those disappointments when he concentrated.
Mrs. Malfoy was settling in. She hadn’t told Harry what had made her leave Malfoy Manor, but from the way Draco sometimes muttered about his father, Harry didn’t think it was because she was secretly serving Voldemort and wanted to spy on them. He didn’t need to know the exact reason. Not if Draco trusted his mother (which he did) and didn’t want to talk about that reason to Harry. Harry’s trust in Draco was so deep he didn’t have words to put around it.
Harry had beat Draco to the Snitch in the Slytherin-Gryffindor match in early November, but unlike last year, that didn’t cause Draco to scream at him. He went into a fit of the sulks instead, disappeared for a few hours, and then came back with flushed cheeks and a mouthful of insults against Gryffindors. Harry suspected he’d been with his mother and Professor Snape. Aside from having to hold Ron back from pounding Draco to a pulp, he was content.
Dumbledore had talked with him several more times about Horcruxes, and seemed to believe he was on the way to destroying the locket. Harry had wondered why he was so anxious to handle the locket first, instead of the stone in the ring, but kept his peace. He didn’t think Dumbledore was up to sinister things, just stupid ones. Harry had survived Dumbledore’s stupidity before.
Seamus had apologized again and was now, though somewhat shy around Harry, better friends with him than he’d been for years. He didn’t flinch away when Harry entered a room; he sometimes talked to him about Quidditch, and even flung his arms around Harry and danced him madly about the room after the match with Slytherin. Harry was happy there.
He could basically kiss and wank Draco whenever he wanted. Draco melted into it with an eagerness that made him feel smug. The Dursleys used to tell Harry was a useless little freak who would never be good at anything, but he was good at at least three things: Quidditch, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and bringing his boyfriend off.
And then Harry walked into the Gryffindor common room one night to a chorus of muffled yelps and bumps, and found himself staring at Ron and Hermione staring at him from behind the couch. He opened his mouth to ask what was wrong. Then he saw that Hermione had a lot of bare skin around her neck, and that Ron’s face was the same shade as his hair, and he shut his mouth and grinned.
“Shut it, you,” Ron muttered, even though Harry already had. “We’re not—I mean, we were going to tell you we were dating, it just never came up—”
“Right, right,” Harry said kindly, nodding. “Other things came up instead, right?”
Ron beamed at him. Hermione, with a better understanding of nuance and innuendo, covered her eyes.
Harry grinned at them all the way up the stairs, walking backwards on purpose so that he could. He didn’t really feel any compulsion to tell them about Draco. They’d find that out later, at a time when it wouldn’t be a stress to Draco or him, and in the meantime he’d enjoy their embarrassment.
Times like these, he thought, as he fell into bed and grinned at the ceiling in turn, it doesn’t seem to matter that I’m a Horcrux. I’m alive, and that’s what matters.
*
Draco looked around hesitantly, and swallowed. He was on the Quidditch pitch in the middle of a chill December morning, and he needed to make sure, once again, that there was no one with him—no one in sight, no one able to spy on him and make him feel he had done wrong by coming here.
Once again, there was no sign of any footprints in the snow but his own.
At last, Draco relaxed and bent down to draw the silver bracelets he had spent all weekend working on out of his robe pockets. They shimmered and clinked at him, and Draco smiled. They looked cheap compared to three-quarters of the ornaments that his mother had brought with her into exile, but he was fonder of them than any of those. These didn’t have any jewels.
They didn’t need them.
Draco tilted his head back and spent a moment examining the sky above him. Yes, there were no branches in the way and it was a calm and utterly clear morning, the clouds traveling on a lazy wind. He shivered and renewed the Warming Charm on himself with an absent gesture of his wand.
I have to stop putting this off.
He clasped the silver bracelets onto his ankles with a series of loud ringing sounds. Two to each foot ought to be enough, he thought. More than that and he risked looking like a coward, which he would not do even when the only audience was himself; less than that and he was a fool.
My mother did not raise a fool or a coward.
His father might have, but Draco no longer considered his father family.
Then, of course, with the anklets securely in place, he spent long moments licking his lips and shifting from foot to foot. At last he tucked his wand away in his boot, spread his arms, and whispered, “Up.”
Most wizards flew on brooms or winged horses, or flying carpets before those were outlawed. There were spells that would allow a wizard’s body to take to the air, but they were dangerous and needed a lot of power. It was easier to stick to outside sources of flight.
Unless, Draco thought, as the anklets sent tingles of sharp magic through his body, you carry the outside sources on you.
He jolted into the air, his feet attempting to lead the way. Draco yelped, picturing himself turning upside down with his cloak flapping over his head; this was not the way he was destined to set a new traveling trend. He hastily cast several balancing spells, centering them around his wrists and chest. He’d have to make several modifications to the anklets, he could see that now.
And then the tingles calmed, and Draco found himself drifting several feet above the surface of the snow. When he moved his left foot, he drifted left. When he moved his right foot, he drifted right. And when he tried to walk straight ahead, his feet would let him do that, too.
Draco laughed and spun around, holding his arms up. The motion made him skitter higher in the air, like a falling leaf in reverse, and when he caught his breath and started paying attention again, he was several dozen feet above the ground. He shivered uncomfortably as a small breeze worked its way past the Warming Charm. I’ll have to study the spells they place on Quidditch gear and see how I can modify them to cover skin more precisely.
“I knew you could do it.”
Startled, Draco jerked around and then flailed for a moment, though he knew the anklets wouldn’t let him fall. And then he scowled and folded his arms when he realized Harry was hovering beside him on a broom, his eyes brilliant. Just being looked at that way was enough to make Draco blush harder than he would from a kiss. But he maintained his scowl. “How did you know I was coming out here?”
“You betray a lot to someone who’s used to looking at you.” Harry sounded amused, but not as if he were laughing at Draco. Draco didn’t know what the difference was, but he knew that it existed, which calmed him down enough to listen. “The nervousness, the long silences, the way you talked about Quidditch suddenly all the time even when you weren’t at practices…I didn’t know exactly what you planned, but I knew it was something.” He looked at Draco’s anklets. “And it looks like it works pretty well.”
He fell silent then, and Draco had to look away, because he’d never thought that someone would regard him with that much respect. Not after he’d failed to please his father.
“I know Snape’s worried about your being left behind, in my shadow,” Harry whispered. “How could he think that? How could anyone think that? You’re too driven. You would make it if I tried to keep you back. You have all sorts of gifts I never will.”
He sounded a little bewildered. Draco swallowed. Not many people would make a statement like that without sounding jealous. Certainly the Weasel couldn’t.
And then smugness crowded in. I made the right choice as to who to fall in love with.
He turned back to Harry, whose thoughts seemed to have drifted off. Draco cleared his throat, and at once Harry’s gaze snapped back to him. “All these accolades will, no doubt, be mine one day,” Draco said, trying to sound authoritative. “But there’s one I’d like right now.” He looked pointedly at Harry’s mouth.
Harry smiled and leaned forwards, reaching out to curve one arm around Draco’s shoulders as Draco strode closer to meet him.
This kiss was gentler than the others they’d shared, and just as awkward, and it brought a stinging fiery blush to Draco’s cheeks again, because Harry kissed the same way he had looked at Draco.
But it was also the kind of kiss Draco thought he could stand to have other people see, someday.
Chapter 24.
Inter Vivos 23
Date: 2009-03-20 02:17 pm (UTC):-)
Re: Inter Vivos 23
Date: 2009-03-20 03:28 pm (UTC)Curing Seamus... I like that Harry has compassion for Seamus, but that neither of the Slytherins in his life does! Has anyone tried to find out when Seamus was cursed by Bellatrix? Or if anyone else in his family got cursed? Or if anyone else in Harry's vicinity/life has been cursed?
Love love love that the boys are growing closer. Lots of yummy Harry/Draco moments. I like Harry's absolute faith in Draco, and his pride in him.
I liked Narcissa Malfoy and her machinations. She's got sanctuary, Harry on her side, and stuck it to Lucius and Voldemort too. Yeay for Narcissa even though it was more self preservation than any noble reason. I think it will be interesting to see how both sides of this conflict react when news leaks out that the wife on one of Voldie's chief lieutenants has defected to the light side.
I got chills over Harry in this chapter. He's understanding much more of the nuances of what is going on around him. His insights are interesting. I'm hoping these are a result of him becoming more mature (as well as hanging around with Draco and Snape) rather than some nasty Voldie-related paranoid bleed through.
And I love love love the Harry facing up to Dumbledore moments. Harry's very much becoming his own man and it shows. I wonder if Dumbledore is still going to go the way of canon and die whilst dealing with the horcruxes (which would be ironic given how willing he seems to be to sacrifice Harry for the greater good)!
Hopes like a hoping thing that Harry and Snape get closer. I sooo want Harry to see that Snape really does just want the best for him and isn't ready to let him throw his life away in the fight against Voldie.
I am soooo looking forward to the next chapter!
Re: Inter Vivos 23
Date: 2009-03-22 03:38 am (UTC)Presumably Dumbledore is investigating when and how Seamus was cursed by Bellatrix, but it's not something Harry really wants to be involved in (or that Draco and Snape want him to be involved in).
Narcissa would probably send news to Voldemort about her defection herself, if it wasn't so dangerous.
And yes, Harry is growing more perceptive on his own. The problem is that he's not used to being perceptive and so doesn't trust himself! That will take a while to wear off.
I can't tell you what I have planned for Dumbledore and Harry without giving a large part of this year's plot away, unfortunately.
Harry intellectually knows that Snape wants the best for him, but emotionally he associates Snape with a lot of pain.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-20 03:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:38 am (UTC)And yeah, Draco was present quite a bit this time...
no subject
Date: 2009-03-20 04:05 pm (UTC)This chapter was absolutely brilliant!
—Harry was glad she took it from that and not her breasts— somehow that is just such a Harry-thought ^^
Harry is just so forgiving in his dealings with Seamus - but that is just so very true to his character!
Harry sounded like a strangled cat when he came. which is completely awesome!
He smiled a little. Snape and Draco are rubbing off on me. *cheers* Yay!! Absolutely lovely! And the way he stands up the Dumbledore just makes me want to point a finger at Dumbledore and go "ha-ha" the Nelson-way (from The Simpsons) XD And Snape is so incredibly cool in this!
The part describing Draco loosing to Harry in Quiddich was great - simply yay!
but he was good at at least three things: Quidditch, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and bringing his boyfriend off. NOT a bad three ting to be good at, Harry! *smirk* That is just ♥!
it doesn’t seem to matter that I’m a Horcrux. I’m alive, and that’s what matters. This deserve endless cheers and fanfares! *feels bubbly with joy and happiness* xD
and Draco had to look away, because he’d never thought that someone would regard him with that much respect. That is just sooo touching! *squishes Draco*
I made the right choice as to who to fall in love with. You indeed did! ♥
But it was also the kind of kiss Draco thought he could stand to have other people see, someday. Uuuuuuuh.... Endlessly sweet, but also bringing up the whole going-public issue - I wonder what reactions that will cause.
Looking veeery much forward to the next chapter - it's so good to have you back! :D
no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:39 am (UTC)I think that is the first time I have seen someone call Snape "cool." At least, in the particular way you meant it. :)
I'm glad you like Harry's characterization. I'm trying to show that he's partially recovering from some of the pain inflicted on him- though the recovery is very, very partial so far.
Oh, doubtless there will be some people angry when Harry and Draco go public, regardless of how they choose to do it.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 09:00 am (UTC)Haha - well, there's a first time for everything XD
Of cause I'd have to go slow, everybody knows stuff like that just doesn't happen overnight - but that is a large part of why I like mistreated-by-Dursleys!Harry-stories, the long recovery process is often intriguing to read.
Yes, and I look forward to see how they'll handle it!
no subject
Date: 2009-03-20 05:14 pm (UTC)Fabulous, as always.
Although, I have to say, the curing of Seamus left me thinking "that's all?" I expected it to be much more horrendous. And, well, it actually made me dislike this Dumbledore just a little bit more, in addition to the pity I feel for him. I find it very fascinating that Harry seems to be the one to be able to read this old man's motives the best. Indeed, Harry's accusations haven't really been proven to be right, but Dumbledore's reactions to each seem to imply much...
The boys' growing relationship is so adorable... I have no idea if you intended for it to be, but I really find it very much so! And I'm fervently hoping here that nothing bad will happen to it...!
He turned around and left the office with a sharp snap of his robes
Severus must be so proud! I thought this very interesting, it's usually Draco doing Severus' swishing-robe-thing.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:40 am (UTC)Why did the curing of Seamus make you dislike Dumbledore, specifically? Dumbledore is actually digging into things behind the scenes, trying to find out more. Whether he'll be any more successful than Snape is open to question.
Well, their relationship will grow more complicated. I'm not sure if that's what you mean by something "bad" happening.
Snape is, possibly, seeing his influence where there is none. But then, Snape as a biased observer? Never!
no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 02:24 pm (UTC)Regarding the relationship, as smooth as it is going now, of course complications are to be expected. And they're young, so they're bound to do something stupid... But I hope they won't do something so stupid that it will leave them brokenhearted. Especially if it's because of changes of perspective of either of them because of external influences that probably will try to interfere as soon as they go public. I really dislike it when either of them become influenced by public opinion. (I leave that part for Ron's character...!)
no subject
Date: 2009-03-20 06:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:41 am (UTC)Harry will have to learn to see that Draco and Snape's fears about Draco being left behind are very real, but it is kind of awesome that he automatically thinks Draco will succeed, I think.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-20 06:59 pm (UTC)I love the kisses, and Harry's strength in the face of Dumbledore, and Draco's accomplishments... just loved it all.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-20 07:00 pm (UTC)I really liked what Harry's evaluation of Dumbledore: He didn’t think Dumbledore was up to sinister things, just stupid ones. Dumbledore's blinded himself with his ego and the belief system he's constructed around the whole Wizarding World.
I enjoyed Harry's and Draco's deepening relationship. They each are good for the other's self-esteem.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:42 am (UTC)Dumbledore is not evil, in the sense of malicious. He doesn't trust people enough, but you could also say that of Harry. I think Harry really does understand him even better than Snape.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-20 07:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:43 am (UTC)I haven't paid as much attention to Draco's growing self-awareness, but I'm pleased that it's coming across. In particular, he's beginning to throw off some of the restrictions his father placed on him and which he was still mindlessly following.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-20 08:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-20 09:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:43 am (UTC)Harry can't yet accept Snape's protectiveness, but he'll do much better with Draco's.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-20 09:38 pm (UTC)Oh Harry, you're still such a *boy*..don't ever change.
Go Narcissa, I do so love the way you write her.
Draco, definitely neither a fool nor a coward
no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:44 am (UTC)Lucius was hell on Draco's self-esteem- something Draco is only now realizing.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-20 09:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-20 11:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-21 12:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-21 09:16 am (UTC)And I just read this whole story through. I'm so ready for bed now! But it's a lovely story and it is hands down the best retelling of the HP books ever. I can definitely see this happening instead of the books. :D
no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:45 am (UTC)Harry and Draco's relationship is perhaps the simplest thing in Harry's life right now. It will get more complicated, but I hope to maintain that core of simplicity.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-21 10:55 am (UTC)But somehow...I'm getting the feeling that after the good things the shit will hit the roof. Ah, well, that always happens, right?
no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:46 am (UTC)Bad things will happen, though perhaps not directly to Harry and Draco.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-21 11:04 am (UTC)This was another wonderful chapter - I'm loving the slow progression of the boys' relationship. And I'm even warming to Snape.
I just loved how Harry stood up to Dumbledore, and in front of the whole school, too.
Is the Seamus thing over now? It looks like it is, but I thought there was some mystery surrounding his family as well? Or did I imagine that?
no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:47 am (UTC)There is a mystery surrounding his family, in that when Snape tried to research them he found himself mysteriously blocked on the issue.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-21 08:04 pm (UTC)I can't wait for the next installment, you always deliver amazing results!
no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:47 am (UTC)The Horcrux quest will dominate the last part of the story and transform a lot of it. I think that might be one reason it feels so different; sixth and seventh year don't owe nearly as much to their companion books.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-21 09:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 03:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 05:13 pm (UTC)And Harry is certainly maturing into an adult, with his insights and his handling of various situations. I'm so proud.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 05:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-25 11:40 pm (UTC)Harry goes on growing after this, you will be unsurprised to learn! But he is uneasy with his ability at first, not sure if he can trust it.